In the UK today, there are 70,000 children and young people living in public care, with over 54,000 living with foster families. Some of these placements are for a short term, until a particular situation in their primary family is resolved. Others can be for an extended length of time, as they wait to be adopted, or reach an age to live independently.

This is a very transitional time. One that can be characterised as chaotic, uncertain, emotionally trying… and yet can be the most settled, and ‘fruitful’ time for a foster child. The child could be said to be on a journey ‘from here to there’, and I propose, the foster placement could be seen as ‘The Land Between’.

Much emphasis is rightly put on the impact this, significant and potentially pivotal time, has on the foster child. But what about the foster parents? And, their birth children?

How does one create stability in a foster placement that is intended to be temporary? How easy is it to balance loving and giving, without becoming too attached? How do you walk alongside the foster children in the highs and lows, sometimes having to carry them through, without expending yourself to the point of empty? How do you top-up your resolve again and again, as you start the process over with another child? And, how do birth children manage these changes?

A foster carer gives this insight:

“They [potential foster carer] shouldn’t think they’re going to be at home all day, playing with the children,” she says. In reality, there is a lot of paperwork, a lot of scrutiny from social workers, and a powerful sense of loss when the children move on.

“When they move on for adoption, it’s like somebody dying. It is a very intense process. That’s the time when I ask myself why I am doing this. The next time you meet them, a few months later, they don’t recognise you,” Karen, 43, (former teaching assistant) specialises in fostering babies from birth¹.

When living in this tension, there are unlikely to be straight-forward answers and, the reality is, that for each placement, something completely different is required.  Though, there will be some foundational things that remain constant.

So, can ‘The Land Between’ be made easier?

We’ll touch briefly on two points: 1) Recognising it’s a time of Transition, and 2) Support from Other Foster Carers

Recognising it is a time of Transition

David Pollock, a sociologist, identified five stages of transition.

1. Involvement
2. Leaving,
3. Transition,
4. Entering,
5. Re-involvement.

It could also be put another way:

1. The Belonging stage,
2. The Leaving stage,
3. The Change or chaos stage,
4. The Entering stage and
5. Back to the Belonging stage again.

It would not be surprising if you found these stages familiar, as we all experience transition at some stage. And, to an extent life could be described as an ongoing transition. We’re all transitioning through life, navigating the ‘highs & lows’ and ‘twists & turns’, yet often expectant, or hopeful for something more.

In times of very distinct change, such as experienced in a foster placement by the foster child/ carers, and birth children, it is important to note that in some placements, the time of transition may be quick, whilst others may go through each of the stages in turn, and may repeat, fluctuate or even become stuck between the stages.

Knowing, or being reminded of this may just ‘take the edge off’ some of the strain that may accompany a foster placement, and possibly provide insight to help navigate everyone through.

Support from Other Foster Carers

“Support from other foster carers is paramount. “Because you work on your own from home, foster care can be very isolating,” admits John. Fortunately, their link worker runs a support group where foster carers meet once a month to discuss what is happening in their lives and issues they may have with children. “There are some situations that only other foster carers can understand,” explains John. “They can give advice, ‘I’ve had that happening to me and I’ve done so-and-so and it worked’, which is really useful.”” John, foster carer with his wife Stephanie for 28 years²

‘The Land Between’ brings to mind the concept of ‘The Promised Land’, one which may seem like a fairytale or cliché to some, yet may have some useful parallels. E.g. A people who managed to leave a difficult situation, for a journey full of change and chaos. After a long time they managed to enter a new place (the Promised Land), and become settled, and go on to thrive.

Every child you foster will be leaving a difficult situation, journeying with you and your family, for a period of time, before hopefully returning to a better situation or going on to a new one. ‘The Land Between’ is a vital part of moving towards this outcome, for all involved; the foster child, parents and birth children.

I trust it is one that you journey well in.

Janice Whyne – October 2010

The phrase was coined by Dan Wieden* in 1988, and has, I’m sure, become ingrained in the minds of millions of people – as well as indelibly linked to the Nike ‘tick’, formally know as the Swoosh.

Advertising makes millions based on it’s understanding of the power of words, the promotion of an idea, the planting of a seed. Those 3 words” “Just Do It” were 20 years old in July 2008, and amoungst other things, have been cited as inspiring people to: “…leave abusive husbands and achieve heroic feats.” (source, Oregon live.com)

Those words were on my mind a few weeks back,  inspired by the frustration of coming face-2-face with a missed opportunity which seemed to have happened merely because someone chose not to ‘Just Do It’, not to speak up, not to take a risk…only to appear still, years later, to have some lingering reflection/regret of what might have been.

The words are back on my mind today, as I digest news I received recently that will mean big changes, big changes. The temptation is there to not take the risk, to question the craziness of decisions which will soon have to be made, to wonder how on earth this has all finally come together…The desire is also there to ‘Just Do It’.

Yes those words are part of an ad campaign to ‘make’ us want to buy trainers, and other sporting goods, yes they are used imaginatively/manipulatively to create profit for a commercial business giant, but they surely only have that power as they sum up the longing of some, maybe many of us, who wished we had, could, or would just do something. Un-hinder ourselves, take the risk, risk being vulnerable, pluck up the courage, change something, and just do whatever ‘it’ is.

I feel as if I’m now sounding like I’m giving a pep talk, Janice’s motivation 101 so I’m gonna leave it there.

*It was agency co-founder Dan Wieden who coined the now-famous slogan “Just Do It” for a 1988 Nike ad campaign, which was chosen by Advertising Age as one of the top five ad slogans of the 20th century, and the campaign has been enshrined in the Smithsonian Institution.^[9] San Franciscan Walt Stack was featured in Nike’s first “Just Do It” advertisement that debuted on July 1, 1988.^[10] Wieden credits the inspiration for the slogan to “Let’s do it”, the last words spoken by Gary Gilmore before he was executed.^[11]

Potentially even more provoking, or adding to the challenge of the Archbishop’s words, were the 3 people who were there as panel members: Mary Blewitt, who had 50 of her family killed in the Rwandan Genocide, and works now to support survivors, and also Pat Magee, convicted of planting the 1984 Brighton Bomb and Jo Berry, daughter of Sir Anthony Berry MP who was killed in the bombing. They each had a few mins to share their perspectives on the topic, and respond in some way to the points raised by Desmond Tutu. A few questions from the audience and the panel’s response to those, rounded up the event.

I went away intrigued by what I had heard, challenged, and thoughtful about the topic itself. I also came away with a sense of hope, that a project exists, in order to raise awareness of this topic, and enable such dialogue to happen.

Things I am Pondering as I wonder about this question:

• Are the debates swaying anyone? Reality TV Politics? Is it going to be down to words speaking louder than actions?

These are just some of the thoughts that have been through my mind as I have mused on the the debates that I watched (No. 1 all the way through, No.2, almost to the end, and No.3, not at all) and been doing a skim read of some of the reported commentary on them.

Are the debates swaying anyone?

According to the polls, Cameron ‘won’ last week’s debates, with Clegg a close second, and Brown in third. The Election polls themselves generally have the Conservatives leading, followed by Labour – though some fluctuation with Lib Dems. The Telegraph’s Poll Tracker – provided by the likes of YouGov, MORI etc – has it at Con 36%, Lab 29%, Lib Dem 26%

There is also much talk of an ‘Hung Parliament’ and polls are asking people to vote for which pairing they would like to see. I think Nick Clegg would probably have a clear opinion of what the pairing – if it had to happen – would be. On Friday, he was quoted on, on the bbc.co.uk news front page as saying: “That’s why this campaign is now boiling down to a simple choice, a two-horse race between the Liberal Democrats and the Conservative Party”.

It is also definitely fair to say that Clegg’s popularity has been heightened quite significantly by his stage presence and articulation in these debates – noted as being the winner of the 1st. Though as one commentator in the New York Times (Alan Cowell) touches upon, where in the beginning there was the novelty of him being: ‘the outsider who surprised with his fresh-faced appeal, the course of 2 weeks has made many used to that’, and perhaps (the following being my opinion), less charmed by it.

But though these polls are a representative reflection of public opinion, are these reflected in the conversations of friends, and neighbours? I can’t say I have a representative poll of people, but I am still hearing comments such as:

“I don’t trust any of them”, “I don’t bother with voting”, “not sure I can be bothered with any of it anymore (referring to watching the final debate), I’m tempted to turn over and watch 24″…

Reality TV Politics?

I read an interesting piece by Heidi Stephens – Reality TV Blogger for guardian.co.uk, in which she compared the happenings of the debate, with particular reference to to the final one last Thursday, to X-Factor.

I think it is a comparison that has some mileage. After months of pre-election ‘auditions, we have been presented with the 3 leaders of our main parties, who before the nation and world, have had to ‘perform’ set pieces that have been chosen for them, given a chance to show how they handle different types of song/genre/topic. Put through their paces in the week, with the highlights shown before each ‘show’, we have seen them in pressurised conditions, scrutinised each nuance or ‘phrasing’ and let’s face it to a fair if not significant extent, liked or not liked them (notice the ‘them’ not their politics) on the basis of how their personality has come across after each ‘performance’, and then left them open to the weekly public vote, and now we await the final verdict to see who will emerge as the 2010 Election ‘winner’.

Maybe this is a stretch too far, or is it? I wonder if there is a significant amount of the eligible voting public who will be voting based not on what they understand, or believe about what is promised in the parties manifestos, not what they know and understand about the parties and the 3 leaders in question’s track record, rather what they have seen of their TV performances over these last 3 weeks.

Going back to the piece by Heidi Stephen’s which sparked some of this thought, here’s how she rounded-up her piece:

“What would Cheryl say?

Nick, you’re cheeky and cute and I think the girls will really love you. You’ve been on such an amazing journey and I’ve loved seeing how far you’ve come.

Dave, it was another amazing performance, but also not as good as last week, when you were even more amazing.

Gordon, you definitely made it your own, and I know how amazingly hard you’ve worked this week.

I’d love to see you all win, because that would be amazing, except Number 10 probably isn’t big enough, especially with Dave having a baby on the way and everything.” April 29th – Heidi Stephens

Is it going to be down to words speaking louder than actions?

Last week we had Gordon’s Gaffe, which I have seen referred to as Granny Gate. In this instance, his ‘words’ definitely spoke louder than his actions, and in fact even the words he had not long uttered. However, I am sure that the 2 other leaders have had just such moments, they have just not been caught doing it.

Will the ‘oops’ factor, of Gordon Brown’s Gaffe, and possibly the lack of his words coming over so well in the live debates be taken as greater markers to form our decisions, and potentially his demise, than his actions, and that of his party in the last 13 years?

Will the ‘fresh appeal’ of Nick Clegg, and his well articulated words, and promises of ‘change’ – which he says everyone wants, with the only (my word) question being: what kind? – cause enough of a sway to give power to a party who were last in office as a majority government in WW1?

Will David Cameron – also promising change – be able to convince people with his words, that declare:

“This election is far from over, we are now entering the most energetic and most important stage of this campaign which is getting to every part of the country and convincing people if you want change to happen… then it’s the Conservatives that can deliver that.”

I am not a great follower of politics, so my words and thoughts are still evolving, based on the current events, coverage, and commentary. And based on these, I struggle with the fact that it seems we will be voting mostly on what we have heard said, and promised, with for the most part nothing more than the ‘words’ of these leaders as ‘proof of intent’, but no surety of them actually delivering, or being able to deliver what they are saying they will.

And I wonder, as one commentator I read touches upon, whether it would be wise to risk change at this point? Which was also the point of view of someone I was in conversation with after the 1st live debate.

From what I understand, Labour’s rule has not been without fiasco, and the recent events of the expenses scandal – which figured heavily in the 2nd debate – placed a large taint on their rule, though as Cameron pointed out, none of the parties escaped untainted. Yet, on the other hand, when regarding whether Gordon should be ‘our man’, as I read today:

“…after weathering the economic storm, after helping to save the banks, after investing in schemes to keep unemployment and mortgage possessions lower than most people dared to hope for and after investing billions in schools, hospitals and tax credits, he also embodies Labour’s warning against the risk of change.” Nick Robinson’s BBC Newslog  ‘Risk v Change’ - 30th April 2010.

So who will get our vote, and why? Well, we’ll find out the who on the 6th, as to the why?…

*The content of this post also appears on the following site: Junk Government

You can probably imagine my internal despondency at the thought of the wait that was ahead of me. In fact, I think the process towards that feeling actually started the moment I entered the tiny side space that has been given over to it, and saw the number of other internally despondent people who were sitting down. – Would this shared communal feeling be enough to call us a community?

I’d come armed with a book, but was regularly drawn away from it by the actions, and my interest in, the rest of the community. There were those who came, and  at the sight of us left, those who came with a friend, the guy whose just come in handcuffed, (11.25am) with 2 prison guards – that’s caused quite a stir -  I think we all did the look up, stare, then quickly look away thing (surreptitiously glancing back now and then). It would be interesting to know how many of us are wondering what he’s done.

Then there is the older couple who are calculating how long it’s taking to see people once they go in. They reckon it’s 5-10mins a person, based on the amount of people that had been seen in the time it took for the wife to go and come back with 2 small cups of Costa coffee. They may have been right earlier on, but it seems to be speeding up now.

There’s a few readers of the Metro, have seen a few random headlines:

‘Student vet facing £95, ooo fees for degree’, ‘Dolphin Clicks help me ‘see’ says blind Jamie’, ‘Bank boss victim of card fraud’, ’25% off clothing at Tesco’

People of all ages – though mostly the older end of the spectrum – every hue, and all waiting… I am now getting bored (11.33) We’re on no. 40, just 14 more to go. (I hope that couples calculation isn’t right, as if it is, that means a potential 140mins, and I haven’t eaten yet as I had to fast from last night!)

11.36 – Umm! The officer has just taken the prisoner in, I guess he’s getting seen ahead of his ticket. Don’t think anyone is impressed, I mean we’ve all been waiting ages, but maybe we’re all  kinda relieved? As would we be a bit uneasy about him being next to us when we went in, or a about having a handcuffed person around us period? Ummm, what does that say about us? And they’re off! 11.39 (well at least it only took 3 mins, maybe I’ll be seen quicker than the couple’s calculation would have predicted).

We’ve hit comical point. The older couple, the elderly lady I’m sat next to, and myself just had a chuckle at the faces of some people taking tickets, as the realisation dawns of just how long they will have to wait.

It is really quite funny, and as one of them said, it would be funny to have a candid camera (11.48am no. 43! Argh!)

I wonder if they ever have mystery shoppers in this place? – I have hit that point of random hysteria, streams of drivel are prone to now flow to erratically from my thoughts unto teh page.

The older couple are chatting unhappily over how much their parking is going to be – do you think hospitals should validate parking for those who have to come for medical reasons, maybe if you’ve had to hang about for over an hour it should be free? Or maybe based on my length of wait today, your 1st 3 hours should be free. (I don’t have a car, but just saying)

Umm, no. 46 (11.55am)

I am now tapping the page in boredom, and probably frustrated, though think I’m possibly too bored to be frustrated. I’m also ‘intrigued’ by the fact that one of us has started doing some drone like humming, repeatedly!

The pretty lady is leaning against the work of art that I guess is supposed to bring a touch of beauty to the drab surroundings. Argh!!!!

Latest glimpsed headline: “Cheryl loves herself…” – Under Guilty Pleasures in the Metro

Midday – my phone is reminding me of the fact that by now I was supposed to have done a number of things. My attempt to be organised. I had a ‘To Do’ list, I don’t do those, but I tried. Needless to say there are some things I haven’t been able to do yet!

12.01, no.47 – One of us is doing a crossroad, one is reading ‘Angels in my Hair’ (she has no. 97 – Oh dear!).

Umm, I’m going to try reading my book again: “There sending someone for their break now!” = response to “Rav, go for your break now”. OK, I’ve hit frustration point now! 12.05, no. 47.

‘Angels in my Hair’ lady has decided to go. – Lightweight.

“No wonder the country’s in such a state”. The opening comment of an annoyed elderly newcomer who has been sent to 2 different places already, and they have both been wrong. Jimmy, the old Irish gentleman with her, is very annoyed, and you can see he is fit to burst. 12.16 (no. 49).

Annoyed newcomer, and Irish fella have decided to go.

Another newcomer has just pulled ticket no. 5 (when the machine gets to 99, it goes back to the beginning).

Headlines: “faithless ready to Rock Roundhouse – itunes festival” – Metro “Cheryl…behind the mask. “I’m ‘Skanky’ she says” – Daily Mirror. 12.23 (still no. 49!)

An annoying lady is holding up the process. – No you haven’t missed your turn, we haven’t got to 92 yet! Yep, there are over 40 people in front of you.

Apparently they’re getting dome more people in there (I wonder how many are actually in there taking blood). 12.32, No. 53 – there was actually an audible cheer, Lol :-0

12.35, “Number 54″ – It’s me!

12.37pm – I’m out! 2 mins for 2 hours, umm – can I just say, 3 people in the room.

“If you’re living a lie, you’ve adopted a rhyme.”

- Author Unknown

I thought it was interesting…

Where is your Future? Here in your Present, grab it!…

We’ve probably all heard a plethora of ideas or strategies for how to de-clutter our homes, offices, rooms, wardrobes!

‘If you haven’t used it in 6 months…”If you haven’t used it in a year…’ and they go on.

The purpose of such formulaic ways of  organising? (Ummm, querying my use of the word formulaic, I don’t mean it negatively)

The answer I would say, and the common factor – whatever strategy you decide to use – is that they provide a way to let go of the old, in order to make space for the new. – Something which can be easier for some of us than others.

‘Stuff’ is hardly ever just ‘stuff’. The things that fill our homes, offices, cars, wardrobes etc often have history attached to them, memories that we want to cherish, goals we are determined somehow to achieve, mementoes of success or markers  in this journey of life, happy thoughts of a slimmer you,  and sometimes even give us a sense of security.

But can they also hold us back? Keep us from moving forward? Be like excess baggage that we have to pay for? Very possibly yes.

My reason for currently trying to use the Chuck, Cherish, Charity method is that I am due to leave the country for 4 years in a matter of months, and with such a significant change coming, I have to think seriously about what I really need to hold unto, and what I need to let go.

I have been shocked to find paperwork from meetings I attended 10 plus years ago, have shed a few tears on the discovery of some things, and laughed at my musing over  whether I will want to wear certain clothes in 4 years time! It is not an easy process, as I think though I hanker for having a minimalistic life style, I think there is a secret hoarder in there, and I’ve recently  hit a bit of a wall with the whole process, but I have to snap out of it, cos time is running out!

So is it time you tried the 3 Cs for yourself? If it is, and you do, let me know how you get on! Alternatively, if you know of other strategies, I’d be interested in those too! (If you want more info on the 3 Cs work, click here)

A particular thought was about this journey of life, the highs and lows of it, the sometimes feeling you’ve headed in the wrong direction, made bad choices and how you recognise the impact that has on shaping who you are/become. This led to musing on God. Does, how, and where He plays a part; thinking about whether there is a ‘straight path’ we are intended to follow, and the frustration there can be when we seem not too; wondering if God ever has enough of the ‘straying’…

So it was with interest that I read part of the following quote referenced on someone’s facebook page this afternoon (good old facebook ). I was drawn by what it said, so sort out the fuller quote. Food for thought, I thought.

What matters supremely, therefore, is not, in the last analysis, the fact that I know God, but the larger fact which underlies it – the fact that HE knows me. I am graven on the palms of His hands. I am never out of His mind. All my knowledge of Him depends on His sustained initiative in knowing me. I know Him because He first knew me, and continues to know me. He knows me as a friend, One who loves me; and there is no moment when His eye is off me, or His attention distracted from me, and no moment, therefore when His care falters.

This is momentous knowledge. There is unspeakable comfort – the sort of comfort that energizes, be it said, not enervates – in knowing that God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love and watching over me for my good. There is tremendous relief in knowing that His love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion Him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench His determination to bless me.

There is, certainly, great cause for humility in the thought that He sees all the twisted things about me that my fellow humans do not see (and I am glad!), and that He sees more corruption in me than that which I see in myself (which, in all conscience, is enough). There is, however, equally great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that, for some unfathomable reason, He wants me as His friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given His Son to die for me in order to realize this purpose. We cannot work these thoughts out here, but merely to mention them is enough to show how much it means to know not merely that we know God, but that He knows us.

- J.I. Packer (Taken from  ‘Knowing God’ )

- J Whyne (Dec 5th 2009)

Something to think about…