I came across the following piece some years ago. Can’t remember where. At the time I didn’t know who the author was, just felt it was a powerful piece that should be shared.
A friend mentioned that I’d shared it with her over 5 years ago; and that it still spoke to her. So passing it on again. I tried to source the author, it’s possibly Tabitha Sullivan
I do not define myself by how many roadblocks have appeared in my path.
I define myself by the courage I’ve found to forge new roads.
I do not define myself by how many disappointments I’ve faced.
I define myself by the forgiveness and the faith I have found to begin again.
I do not define myself by how long a relationship lasted.
… I define myself by how much I have loved, and been willing to love again.
I do not define myself by how many times I have been knocked down.
I define myself by how many times I have struggled to my feet.
I am not my pain.
I am not my past.
I am that which has emerged from the fire.
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1. state or describe exactly the nature, scope, or meaning of.
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“the contract will seek to define the client’s obligations”
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2. mark out the boundary or limits of.
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“clearly defined boundaries”
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(Source: Oxford Languages)
How we define ourselves, or what/who we allow to define us, can have an enormous impact on our lives. It is important to have a clear sense of ourselves. To know who we are, and who we are not. To understand are strengths and weaknesses, and in what circumstances we thrive best. To, as a friend of mine puts it, show up for ourselves.
Maybe consider reading the poem again, and think about how you are currently defining yourself.
On a final note, it interests me that “define” is a verb. A doing word. Suggesting there is some action or active participation required. Also, that it is a process.
What previously defined us, doesn’t have to define us now.
What currently defines us doesn’t have to defines us in the future.