This was part of my response during a phone call on Wednesday morning, after finding out the verdict in the Chauvin trial for the murder of George Floyd.

Late the night before, when the announcement was imminent, I had told two people that I didn’t want to know yet. My reason?

The most likely bad news can keep till tomorrow.

Me, 20 April 2021@21.39, whatsapp chat

So little was my faith in justice.

Added context, I’d been having a rough few days, and had redeemed them somewhat by an impromptu visit to my parents and then a relaxing soak after I got home. I was feeling chilled out, at peace, ready for a night of sweet sleep and I didn’t want anything to potentially interrupt that.

Give thanks, the verdict was the one we wanted, and needed. We were elated. Yet, there were the other thoughts and feelings of what true justice should look like; it being just one step on an already arduous journey, history, and still present reality. However, I momentarily swallowed those words that were forming on my lips and said,

today, I’m sitting with amazing.

Later that day, the person I’d spoken to called to say they’d been using my line with a few people. It took me a second to realise what line they meant.

I decided to post that line to my instagram stories. Even though I had semi-forgotten it, I actually think the essence of it had been with me throughout the day.

As I’d been scrolling and swiping quickly through many posts where people were expressing some of the thoughts I had momentarily swallowed. Subconsciously determined to hold–if only for a day–my joyful astonishment at the verdict.

A challenge, as we had hardly breathed a sigh of relief before hearing of more death. #makhiabryant

Today, I’m sitting with amazing.

Well, this line has now become a poem (and a possible mantra) of sorts.