Last Wednesday, the Instagram post above by REWRITE London elicited the following response from myself:

So… for some reason this feels super uncomfortable. I saw this post a few minutes after it had gone live. I both immediately thought I want to do this, and, I don’t want to be the first.

When I checked again later, seeing ‘likes’ but seemingly no tags, I felt even more convinced of my not wanting to be the first. With a tint of, what a way I’m boasting up myself if I do this.

Now a few hours later, I basically feel the same, but am going to do it anyway. Not least because it’s already night time in my part of the world, so my Wednesday almost done! 🙂

But also, because the me that writes, and has been endeavouring to write more, wants to embrace, or at least grow into that noun. So whatever the inner struggle or resistance is, it will have to hush.

If you have stuck with what one of my cousins calls my ‘stream of consciousness’ well done! *Update – after all that, wasn’t the first! Lol

@jjsmuse, Feb 12, appx. 22:00 (WIB)

Why is it that we are sometimes so reluctant to claim or own who we are? Why sometimes so hesitant to attribute something to ourselves?

I’m not talking about acting like you all that and the best thing since __________ (fill in the blank according to your preference). I’m merely talking about stating a positive truth, or truth that we hope will be realised.

I think there are a number of potential answers as to the ‘why’. I’ll offer two:

  1. We are trained from an early age that pride is a bad thing (pride cometh before a fall). That we shouldn’t be boastful, and must be humble etc. A ‘lesson’, that in an of itself, is not necessarily a bad thing.
    • However, I think we can unintentionally be taught -or receive the message- that to belittle ourselves, and undervalue who we are and what we can do is humility. To be confident in who we are, and what we can do is proudful. – I do also think that in some cases and contexts, this message is intentionally taught.
  2. We are afraid to own it, because then we’ll have to live up to it. We’ll have to put in the time and effort to follow-through on our declaration. Provide supporting evidence to back up our claim. – Even if this is just to ourselves, who we know can be our harshest critics.

Whatever the ‘why’, let’s not let it or them prevent us from fully occupying the spaces that we fill; embracing the opportunities that can both be self-created, as well as come our way; doing those things that we’re shaped and are here to do; getting the most out of the life we have to live, while we have breath.