As I was getting ready to settle down last night, I remembered something that I meant to put on my list. The real no.10 if you will.  Which is, you never stop asking the question,

What am I doing here?

It is not a question I intentionally pose. It is not a question that keeps me up at night. It’s not a ‘meaning of life?’ question. It has no fixed regularity. But for each year that I have been here (6 come October 16th), it has come up at least once.

Funny thing is, I’m not sure if when I remembered, it was the periodic pop-up question or just me remembering that I meant to include it.

If you think about it, it’s quite an interesting question to ask yourself.

In my case, does it periodically pop-up because of some internal unease; uncertainty about my role;  uncertainty of another kind? Is it just my subconscious pressure valve getting rid of some excess something? Or is it just one of those days when living cross-culturally has been a lot? #lifeabroadopportunities

Honestly, I don’t know. As like I said, it is not a question I consciously, intentionally ask. Although, I reckon all the above have factored in at one point.

But what if I did consciously, intentionally ask myself the question? Could it be a helpful way to periodically do a personal audit of what I am currently involved in; how I’m doing with it; what -if anything- needs changing and so on?

Evaluating so as to ensure that what I am doing, is something I am effectively engaged with. Not just meandering along with. Fully occupying the space of, not just along for the ride. Even though in reality, we will all, at least once in our lives, be involved in doing things that do not really interest us, nor illicit our best efforts. And thats okay.

Sometimes we just have to get on with doing what is needed, and required of us. That’s life. Though please know, this does not apply to anyone in an unhealthy, abusive, or exploitative situation.

At other times, asking the question, “What am I doing (here)?” can be the necessary break in the narrative?  – This is an emerging thought due to this post.

As sometimes we can be so tied to, and defined by what we are doing, that we miss the why* of it. Minus the why, it can be a challenge to really see the meaning and long-term perspective in what we are doing. It can also –sans why- be a challenge to keep doing what you are doing when things get tough. Hmmm, maybe I will have to test my semi-hypotheses by setting a regular time to ask myself this question.

Anyways, there you have it. The missing ‘Thing’ from my list of things they didn’t tell you – or you didn’t believe. Plus the bonus of an emerging thought. If you decide to join me in testing my semi-hypotheses, do let me know!

*Click here for both a youtube clip and a blog post on Knowing Your Why

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